old lady

Ok, finally feel like a huge weight is lifting off my shoulders... ahhhh. Now I feel like I have more of a plan and more people to help me with said plan. The new medicine seems to help quite a bit for Jacob. He is back to washing his hands more, and now his feet more (which he only does in the wee hours of the morning when we are all still asleep-although it usually wakes me up) but his behavior is much more tolerable. I just think back to Spring Break and I take a deep breath. Hopefully that was the worst of the worst. It's funny though, I was just telling Brett this morning how I know that I just can't paint the picture well enough in words. Describing what it's like to live with a child who simply cannot control his behavior to the point of making everyone in the house impatient, frustrated, sad, and exhausted is next to impossible. You just really have to live it. Luke and Ryan were talking about Jacob last night on our way home from the Rangers game (Jacob was at home) and I found myself getting sad. Brett worries that Luke and Ryan growing up with Jacob will affect them negatively, I believe the opposite. I told him that it will teach them lifelong lessons that many other kids don't get. Like humility, patience, and understanding. Luke comes by some of this naturally, but still has plenty to learn. Ryan is just still young enough to struggle with it, but that's ok, in due time. I was telling them all last night to imagine being Jacob. To not be able to control yourself, no matter how badly you want to, or how negative the reaction from everyone around you -literally, everyone around you- is. How incredibly frustrating, sad, and hopeless that must feel. To feel like no one likes you, or wants to be around you, or has one nice thing to say to you; and there's nothing you can do about it. I realize now how incredibly draining this has been for us. No wonder I have felt so rundown lately. So anyway, being on the upswing is truly wonderful for our whole family.
        The new Psychiatrist is a bit of an odd duck, but hey, he's a shrink, right? But he knows his stuff. We saw him again on Friday, and he asked how the Respidrel was working. I told him that it was much better, not 100%, but much better. I would say we went from Jacob being what I call 'spun' 90% of the time, to probably more like 30-40%. Definitely an improvement. So as he listened, he watched Jacob bounce around his room, get in my face, lay is head in my lap, etc. and he took notes. He finally looked me in the eye and said, "Are you ready for something for the ADHD now?" Ha! Is it that obvious?? So we are doing Focalin, which I have heard of from other parents before. We are starting with a low dose, just 5mg, and it is a capsule, so I can just open it and dump the little beads onto yogurt or pudding. We've done that before, so easy cheesy. Started with that on Sat and did see an improvement. Yesterday was even better. I think we will probably end up going a little higher dosage eventually, but we'll see. I only say that based on his behavior changes so far and what I think he may need. So feeling a little more 'back to normal' and Jacob seems pretty pleased with the results as well.
    We also met with the Psychologist that will be doing the full Psych Eval in June. She was really nice and seemed to know her stuff, not that I doubted that. So we have a plan, we are moving along and doing much better, seem to have a system with school/teachers worked out and things are looking up. Yeah.
    Luke is enjoying golf lessons, Ryan is kicking (ha) butt in soccer, and I'm ready for this semester to be over. This grad school stuff isn't always easy, lol. Talking about summer plans too, where to go and when. Think we might skip the annual 4th of July party this year, kinda need a break. Maybe we'll go to Gulf Shores or Destin or something. We'll see. Ryan wants to go to Papa's lake house in Wisconsin for his birthday in August, so looks like that might be our summer vaca destination again this year. Ok with me, it was extremely relaxing last year. Great weather, great fishing for boys, Jacob follows Papa and Louis (the boxer) around and Joan cooks some great meals. Huh, guess I'm looking forward to that trip already! Ha.

Yesterday Ryan had a soccer game and we were trying to find somewhere up front to park because Jacob likes to sit in the car instead of dealing with the noise, and I can still keep an eye on him. Brett commented on all of the handicap spots and why they needed so many. Jill (my MIL) was with us. All of a sudden Ryan says, "Dad we can park there, we have Nana with us and she's an old lady!" Dead serious. I seriously lol'd. Jill was not quite so thrilled. She did laugh though. Out of the mouths of babes.....