Got ourselves a three day weekend for MLK day, so thought I'd post real quick. It's so funny how the focus shifts from one child to the next throughout parenting. Jacob is doing so fantastic these days, that there isn't much to say! I'll take it! He now looks people in the eyes and flashes them his big grin, braces and all, when they speak to him. This has just begun this year. Now still not everyone, but more and more people. I'm still wanting to write his story in book form, and have a few other ideas, but they will all have to wait until summer when I have more time. One of the things I'd like to write about are the people that we come across in our lives that just naturally understand children and adults with special needs. The longer I am on this planet, and the longer I am Jacob's mom, and now that I am a special education teacher, I come across more and more people and am able to see their reactions and behaviors towards those with special needs. One thing I've learned? It's not always who you think it would be that 'gets it'. Jacob and I went to get him new glasses a month or so ago, and at the store, the young man who helped us totally got it. Right away. He was kind, patient, and knew to still ask Jacob, but then turn to me for an answer. He didn't push too hard, but didn't ignore Jacob either. I meant to, and still need to, write to the store and thank him for his kindness and understanding. With things like Miracle League, and school, we find plenty of people that get it, but you would expect that, otherwise why would they be there, right? But to run across those people in everyday life is a gift, I think.
One quick other thing, Jacob has now memorized many many birthdays. Our entire family, our friends and their families, as well as several actors and Texas Rangers baseball players. It is quite impressive when we name people and he just rattles off their birthdays, I'll be he knows 50-100 birthdays! It certainly comes in handy for me!
Now back to the 'shift' in parenting. Luke has needed a little more support than usual this year, basically just due to being 12 and in 6th grade. He is in a higher level math class, and was doing just fine up until this year. After a little digging and a phone call to his teacher, it seems that the problems may partially be social things. The whole 'being popular' stuff. So Luke and I had a long talk about friendships, and how they change throughout life. This is a big one for me since I have struggled at times with friendship, and what that looks like to me, what I expect out of it, and where I may need to work on being a better friend myself. We just talked about how throughout school, your friends may change here and there for various reasons. Whether it's a class or lunch you are in, or a sports team you play on, or whatever activity you are involved in that means you spend more time with certain people than others. But, I told him to always try to choose your friends wisely, for good reasons, not because they may be popular. The good thing with Luke is, he listens intently, takes in what I'm saying, and is pretty much able to understand and implement my advice into his life. Yesterday he told me that I should write a book because I have a lot of good things to say. Sweet boy. :-)
So Ryan. I have mentioned several times throughout my blog I believe, that we have so many conversations about sports. It really would be so much simpler if Ryan just sucked at sports.... Or, if Ryan could just have the confidence in himself that he should have in sports. Yes, that would be nice too. In the beginning I was so thrown by all of the things that come along with competitive sports. The pressures, the money, the crazy, etc. And to an extent, I still am thrown at times, but we've been in it long enough now, and I have spoken to many coaches and other parents, as well as read articles, about my thoughts and concerns with youth sports and where Ryan fits in them. His first loves are soccer and baseball. He does play some basketball as well, but really just for fun. Or what is supposed to be fun. The problem is, as I mentioned before, that Ryan lacks the natural confidence he needs to just go out there and have that fun. We talk about signing him up, he says 'yes!', we get excited about the team and the season, and bam! Ryan has anxiety about it. This past weekend was the first basketball game of the season. He was excited, until it was time to play, and then he was freaked. Now, in his defense, it was a long week. A few weeks ago, he got asked to try out for a higher level competitive team, with a really good coach. A coach that teaches at the high school, and also coaches younger teams outside of that. We were so proud and excited for him. Then, heading to the tryout, he started to freak. I did my usual pep talk, and we sent him in to do the best he could. Well, he did great, we were all pleased with his effort, regardless of the outcome, and he made the team. He was excited, and we were so proud. Fast forward to the first practice.... This team is good, like really good, and some of the boys are just incredible soccer players. The coach is nice, but intense, and the drills and instructions come fast and furious, and I could see Ryan starting to shut down. Afterwards, he was done. Just done. Long story short, the next few practices came with anxiety and tears before, and Ryan just 'getting through' each one. So this week he just hit a wall, and sobbed the whole way to practice, and then launched into what I will describe as a panic attack. So I tried for over 20 minutes to get him calmed down, and used everything I could think of (including calling Brett, which turned out to be a really bad idea because he got mad, and then blamed it on me... stupid move Brett... stupid move) to try to get him to give it one more try. In the end, I texted a close friend who has two athlete daughters and experiences similar stuff with sports, and she mentioned that they have had their girls tell the coach themselves when they don't want to go to practice. The taking ownership part of it usually worked. Well that 9 year old child, who refused to get out of the car until then, gladly got out of the car and marched ever so confidently into that stadium, in the middle of practice, through 25 boys and parents and coaches, right up to his coach and told him he wasn't staying for practice, it was too hard. I was floored. I also knew that I had my answer. If he was so sure of his decision that he would do that, then he was old enough to make that decision. The coach came off the field to talk to us, and was extremely nice and understanding, and suggested that we walk over to the other team practicing out there and see if that would be a better fit. It's the same age group, and was the team Ryan would have been on anyway (a Silver level team), had he not made the other one (a Gold level team). We walked over and watched for a while, and Ryan decided he'd like to give it a shot. The next day I emailed both coaches and told them Ryan's decision. I have to admit, I felt a huge sense of relief myself, feeling like Ryan was doing what we needed to do.
The thing is, there is truly so much pressure when it comes to sports these days, and no matter how rational I consider myself to be when it comes to these things, it is very difficult to not feel like you have to succumb to at least some of that pressure. It is an extremely competitive world, and if you want your kid to even have a chance to make high school teams, you have to do some things to help them be ready for that. Not all of the things that people tell you, but some of them. Sooooo, unfortunately, even though he's only 9 (NINE people!) we have to at least have a tentative plan or goal or whatever you want to call it, if we want him to even have the chance to get there. Sigh. I feel like maybe I talk/write about this too much, but then again, this is my blog, it's about my world, and that's one of the big things going on in my world. So be it. So at this point I know four things:
1. Ryan is happier now that we've officially made the switch, and is actually looking forward to practice tonight.
2. He will still play basketball in this off season, and got several baskets in his first game that he worried about, and he will still play on his happy rec soccer team and a rec baseball team this season. On top of this competitive soccer team.
3. I know that I am crazy because of #2, but I also know that we do actually enjoy this stuff, most of the time! Honestly!
4. My husband will never blame me for that situation again, and he is very sorry. ;-)
A few quick funnies:
One of my students said this week, "It's the 15th already?? It feels like it's just the 10th."
Jacob keeps telling people that famous people (Ryan Seacrest, Jack Black, Barack Obama, and several of the Texas Rangers players) come to his school every day. Most of the time, the people he tells believe him.
No comments:
Post a Comment