Nerves

So I'm supposed to be posting on my other blog for my class, but I'm feeling anxious. We have another ARD for Jacob this afternoon and it has me stressed. Let me back up and say that things have not been going well. I may have mentioned before that his behavior has been off the charts, really wearing us all out. I try to be as patient as I can, but it is just so hard some days. It's like the poor child cannot control anything that he says or does at any given moment. We are all tired and impatient and that creates this cycle of Jacob having rough behavior, we all (me, Brett, Luke, & Ryan) all react negatively, Jacob gets more upset therefore his behavior gets worse, we all respond negatively, and so on. Now in school he is getting into situations with his peers. I got an email a from one of his teachers that there was an incident with him and another student with scissors. I guess he pretended to poke them at another student's face and it scared her. I know this student, and I know that she is Spec Ed with him, but that's all I know. I talked to him about it and he called her a "tattle tale", not the response I was hoping for. Anyway, they made a big deal out of it, bringing in the Asst. Principal and everything, and I talked to him about it not being ok, but I just know that in his heart, he really didn't mean anything by it. Then a few days later, another teacher made him sign the book (their discipline tool) for putting a fake snake on another female student's shoulder. He said he thought he was" just being funny". The past week, he seems to really be getting upset and not interacting well with his classmates at all. Almost every day he tells me that "the kids at school hate me" or they "think I'm stupid" or he calls some kid a "tool" for reacting to Jacob in a way I don't think he understands. Then this morning, I get yet another email from the music teacher telling me that Jacob was overheard telling a girl that he was going to "cut her head off with a chainsaw". She also said that a few weeks ago in the lunch room (which he hates and has told me he ends up just sitting at a girls table and not talking to anyone because everyone saves seats for their friends and there isn't any room for him at the boys tables) he acted like he was I guess lunging at a girl. I have seen him do this many times, so I know what she meant. I truly believe this is just Jacob's way of venting, it is almost impossible for him to understand his environment and the apporpriate way to react to it. I truly, in my heart and in my gut, do not believe that Jacob is violent or would be, he just can't behave appropriately and the reaction of his peers is truly pushing his buttons, to say the least. He asked me yesterday to get back on his old medication cuz "this one isn't helping with that other stuff"- which I translate to him overhearing me say that the anti-depressant doesn't always work on the ADHD stuff, or, the impulsivity and lack of inhibition. So he knows that the Ritalin was helping with that, and wants it back. Brett & I agreed that we would rather he washed his hand 85 times a day then to have to all deal with what we have now.
    So I called the Dr again this morning to see what we can do about his meds, waiting to hear back. He sees his Psychologist at Scottish Rite on Monday. So the ARD. The district's psychologist called me a few weeks ago, as I mentioned in a previous post, and told me she was going to observe him in class. I had told her all about him, his story, his issues in the past and his issues of today. Then I didn't hear from her, which I was just thiking about last week, until I received the ARD notice in the mail. The diagnostician called me yesterday to change the time, so I asked her who had called this ARD. It was the psychologist from the district, which I hope and believe is a good thing. Diag said that we are all sitting down to talk about what she observed and what we need to do. Her exact words were "to make sure we are doing everything we need to be doing", so that makes me feel better. I guess the last ARD was just so frustrating and disheartening and upsetting for me, that it gives me anxiety about this one. I haven't had to worry about ARDs for several years now, so I'm not used to it. I am just crossing my fingers that this psychologist can be the helpful catalyst to getting Jacob back on track in school. Maybe one other person in that room to understand and speak for Jacob. Brett will be there too this time, so that should help. But having an ally in the district to help is ideal.  Ok, gotta post for class and go get ready for this meeting. Will post after.