Well Luke and I had a bit of a meltdown last week. I've mentioned before the I am better with the early childhood kids, and this tween stuff just throws me for a loop! Working with 5th graders for the first time while raising a 'typical' 5th grader for the first time has been helpful to realize that this roller coaster, nice-one-minute-ripping-your-your-head-off-the-next behavior is not only typical, but to be expected. They are so trying to be "big" while still being so "small". It's made me go back to my memories of 5th grade, and I remembered that I did not enjoy it. I remember it being the first school year where I felt the need to maybe "get in trouble" (well, my goodie-two-shoes version of 'trouble') so that I could fit in. I had not idea what kind of music I liked, but everyone was rockin' to Bon Jovi, so that was the first cassette tape (yep, you read that right) I bought with my own money. I played it and an Eagles cassette of my Dad's on my pink boom box, over and over. I remember I had a crush on a boy named Rusty, even though I really had no interest in goofy boys, I felt the need to pick someone to have a crush on. And by that I mean I 'heart' Rusty was quietly written on my folders, papers, but not to ever actually be seen by anyone, especially Rusty. I was trying to shed that 'goodie-goodie' image. I really don't think it worked, but boy do I remember being confused about not only how I was supposed to do that, but why. Such a confusing time in life. The social thing kind of comes crashing in, and even when you are nowhere near ready (and deep down not really interested) for the opposite sex, the behavior and discussions start to look that way anyway.
Anyway, the meltdown ended up with me angry and Luke crying, and I was so sad about it later. I think I realized a few things. 1) Having a 'non-typical' first born makes Luke my first experiences with parenting this phase of life for typical kids, and I think I was naturally better with the non-typical, 2) I thought 11 was young to start this phase, but it is not, and 3) I have to remember that he needs my love and reassurance more than ever, even though it mostly feels like the opposite. Lastly, and most surprising for me, was that I was just sad. Sad that we were already in this phase and I wasn't ready for it yet. :-( My first two are so different in their needs, and this whole "I'm 11 now so I'm going to act as if I barely need my family members, even though I do still really love and need you it's just not cool to show it" stuff is for the birds. Seriously. Let bird mamas do it... because I don't like it. There, I've thrown my temper tantrum (hmmmm kind of like a tween, now watch me bounce back immediately too...)
But I will press on, and I will listen and watch, and I will learn. I will love and support, and keep my distance when appropriate (or not). I will try to help the other members of our little pod to understand as best we can. Ryan is not a fan of losing that sweet older brother he so adores. I have heard from moms of older kids that it comes and goes, but they do come back to you. My sweet raspy voice boy is turning into a handsome teen. He didn't want to take piano lessons anymore, but he chose the trombone to play in the 6th grade band. He plays soccer with all of his heart, and he enjoys golf lessons. He learned (in a surprisingly short amount of time) that comparing his athletic abilities to his younger brother will not make him feel better about himself, but to learn what he is good at and focus on that is a much better mind set. He is still just as smart and caring as he always was, he's just trying to form his own identity and little place in this crazy world. So here we go....
Found this article, and I really liked what she has to say. Also found some sound advice:
http://tentotwenty.com/raising-tween-and-teen-boys-from-the-mom-whos-winging-it-as-she-goes/
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